I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
