You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
