when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
