Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
