Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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