My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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