There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
