if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize