The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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