Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
