he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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