there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
