he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
