I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
