put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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