he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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