Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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