yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I can text with my tongue
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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