No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
