its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
