i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
