why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
