hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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