i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
