I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
