You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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