Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
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Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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