Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
