so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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