very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
