I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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