The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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