I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
