I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's Friday. Sex?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
