Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Vodka?
Forever.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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