shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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