You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
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First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
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He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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