i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i will never coherently bang her
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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