i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
