Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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