i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
