I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
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You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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