My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
