does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup