Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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