I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
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Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
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was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week