I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.