i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.