Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
ttyl tear gas
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just had sex on a roof
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
