Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
