i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?