White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
