what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
