i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
