this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
