she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
