She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
