I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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