She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
