Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize