someone threw a dead crab at me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
