eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
