When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
