if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
