Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize