i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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