R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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