I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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