thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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