I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
