The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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