dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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