just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
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Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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