Your dad touched me again.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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