Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
