I'm really into asian looking animals
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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