He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
