The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
