Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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