whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
