i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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